For years, I’ve been wanting to share my story. My real story. You guys see my pictures of all the amazing places I’ve traveled, read my advice on how to travel more on any budget and all the while a lot of you are probably thinking… “Sure, that sounds easy, but doing it isn’t the exactly the same”, “Yeah, that’s great for you, but I don’t even know where my rent money is gonna come from let alone spring for a vacation”. I know that, because I’ve been there. But I changed it all around and you can too.
I’ve been wanting to get real with you and share my story for a while now. I believe so much that it can help you just as it’s helped me get to where I am today. But fear held me back. Fear of people looking at me differently, fear of internet trolls saying shit behind computers, fear of pity in people’s eyes…when none of that is what I want. But I’m pushing through all that because I know where I came from, where I am now, what helped me, and that I have the ability to help so many people by sharing my story.
The year around the time my son was born was one of the lowest points in my life. It should have been one of the happiest, not only because my husband and I were having our first child, but because we struggled with infertility and it took us YEARS and so many doctor’s appointments, tests, and disappointments to even become pregnant. We were BEYOND ecstatic learning we were finally going to have our baby.
A couple months before he was born, I lost my job. I did the only thing I could and went on interview after interview while being 7 months pregnant. After a couple failed attempts, I realized I wouldn’t be finding a job any time soon because who wants to hire someone about to leave work to have a baby, right?? So along with my job went my health insurance. My husband didn’t have insurance or some million dollar job either. He was a server.
You’d think that’d be enough to deal with when your new baby would be joining you in this world shortly. But soon after my son was born, our one and only car broke down, beyond repair. We couldn’t afford another car. My husband was bumming rides to work from his friends. We weren’t doing great with money, barely getting things paid.
We went and got on food stamps. We fought back and forth on that idea because neither of us wanted to go that route. But in the end, we decided to go and see if we qualified. Which of course, we did.
I turned down WIC and other programs we were offered because I was too proud. I didn’t want to have to be on government assistance. And while I was thankful for the help and the burden of worrying if we’d have enough money to put some food on the table slightly lifted, I hated every second of going to the store and having to run that damn EBT card. I remember trying to hide it as I had to swipe it through the machine to avoid the stares, whispers, and judging of people behind us in line….and from the cashiers themselves.
Now that I was feeling really low about my situation, it got worse.
My husband told me he wanted a divorce (we just had a baby), and he went to live with a guy friend of his. Right around that same time, I found out my mom’s cancer had come back and gotten a lot worse and that she was dying. There was nothing anyone could do. Her breast cancer had spread to her bones and there was no cure. They gave her around 6 weeks to live. My world kind of just stood still for a few seconds while I tried to process everything.
By this time, my son was about 3 months old. I was just told my husband wanted a divorce and moved out, that my mom was dying…and she lived across the country. I had no car, no job or way to get to and from a job…no one to watch my son so that I could get a job….I was on food stamps, had no health insurance….and somehow I had to find a way to get across the damn country to spend time with my mom who could die at any moment. Sure, life, no problem. I got this! Not.
I was at a super super low point in my life. After getting that call about my mom, I sat on the floor of my hallway holding my baby boy while we both cried our eyes out. But I couldn’t just let life swallow me whole. I had a little boy who I had tried so hard for that was depending on me. I allowed myself those few moments of tears and then I had to shape the f*ck up.
|Capturing my son’s first smiles at one of my lowest moments.|
|At the beach trying to grab a bit of peace while on the visit to say goodbye to my mom.|
Smile through the pain.
I packed up all of our clothes since I didn’t know how long we’d be gone, and somehow all three of us drove across country to see my mom. My (supposed soon to be ex) husband stayed for a few days, said his goodbyes and had to drive back because he still had a job to go to.
My mom passed about 3 weeks later.
Now remember, I wasn’t going to let life swallow me whole. I was being strong, trying to look on the bright side, and living as if my situation was just fine. I didn’t want my family (aunts, uncles, sister) to be worrying about me while they were stressed and mourning the loss of my mom. My family had no idea that I was on food stamps or much of anything else I was going through.
Then things got a bit better.
Shortly before my mom passed, she told me to take her car…that she “wouldn’t be needing it now”. So now I had a car. A couple weeks later, my husband came to his senses and realized he didn’t really want a divorce, it was all just about stress and everything getting to him. I found a part time job to work around the hours of my husband’s job so one of us could always be home with my son….no daycare money needed. We got off food stamps, and things were looking up. I didn’t really feel like I was doing anything to make these changes happen, I just kept up with the positive thinking and acting like my life was just fine.
Without realizing it, I was using pieces of the Law of Attraction (or simply, positive thinking) to better my situation. I know what you’re thinking. The law of what now?? Isn’t that the “woo woo out there” thing I’ve heard about? Is that even real? I thought the same thing at one point. But then I read about it more, and learned more. and found out that it’s really based in science. Just like the law of gravity works even if we don’t think about it, the law of attraction works as well. And I had SEEN IT WORK in my own life. So I stopped caring about the fact that it sounded weird or crazy….because I was too busy seeing my life change around me.
And you know what? If I had a job before my mom passed, I wouldn’t have been able to just run off and take 3 weeks (or possibly more) off to spend those last days with her. I wouldn’t have had the time to heal afterwards. I believe that everything happens for a reason. So me losing my job and not being able to get another one right then, turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Afterwards, things started lining up. My mom left me her car, I got a job, we had enough money to come off food stamps.
My life wasn’t without struggle. We still weren’t “comfortable” with money. I started selling my plasma along with working my part time job for extra grocery/diaper money without having to have the hours of a full time job. I started working for an online company for literal CENTS a night, but I would get excited for those cents because by month’s end when I would get paid, it added up to maybe $30ish dollars just from doing a bit of online work. And heck, that was a couple packs of diapers or a bunch of meals that I could cook and I didn’t have to leave the house or my family to make that money. Life was a heck of a lot better.
Then it got a bit worse again a few years later. We were back on food stamps, our only car broke down again (did my life just repeat itself?). Our hot water got shut off. Luckily we had an electric stove and I warmed pots of water on our stove to give my son warm baths so he wouldn’t know that anything was different. He was about 3 or 4 years old by now.
For a couple weeks, I would walk over a mile to the grocery store and carry back bags of groceries. It would be so hot and the bags freaking heavy, but I would turn down rides from pitying neighbors, saying things like “Oh, it’s good exercise!” “I love walking there in the mornings!” When in reality I went early in the morning because less people would see me walking with my grocery bags and less people would be at the store to judge me for using my food stamps and seeing me fill a bookbag and my hands and walking back down the street with my food. But, I moved from my full time job down to part time so that I could go back to school to do a job that I really wanted and that I would eventually make good money doing.
No one at my job or my school knew about any of the shit I was going through. I just lived my life as if everything was f*cking great….meanwhile at home, I’d be super excited to find $5 in a pair of pants because that meant I could make at least 2 dinners out of it, and be warming up 4 pots of water on the stove at a time to mix with the cold water in my bathtub so my son didn’t know we didn’t have hot water until I could come up with an extra $280 to pay off a bill that had added up over months. Even though I had no idea where in the world that money would come from because I had a freakin dance party finding $5 for food….I kept up with my positive outlook on life.
Law of Attraction. Used. Again, I didn’t really realize it then. Very very simply put, manifesting or the law of attraction, has to do with the fact that everything around us is energy, including our thoughts. And those thoughts are incredibly powerful when it comes to shaping our life. What we think about, materializes.
And now, I’m grateful to be living a pretty amazing life. I’m super super thankful because this is stuff I could only dream about back then. I’m still working with the Law of Attraction. Once you use it and realize how it can help you, you won’t want to stop. But it’s a life long learning process. I’ve found myself not using the principles now and again over the years, but I always come back to it. And for the past year I’ve been using it consistently.
I’m always learning though, because now I deal with guilty feelings about money because I remember so much how it used to be. Sometimes, I feel guilty going out to eat a lot or going on a lot of trips, or buying Starbucks whenever the heck we feel like it. Which is such a contrast to where my life used to be. That’s where this life long lesson thing comes in. I can’t feel guilty about it, those kinds of thoughts and feelings go against what I’m trying to create in my life. Money is abundant and available to everyone. There’s no reason to feel guilty. Everyone can do this, and I realized that instead of me feeling guilty, why don’t I help other people experience the life they’ve been dreaming of too?!!
I have had friends ask me over the years how I’ve changed my life around and have introduced them to the world of manifesting and it’s changed their lives too. Now I realized that I have my blog as this platform that can reach more people and it would be AMAZING to help so many other women realize their dreams too! I have researched the f*ck out of this stuff for years, read so many books on the subject, scoured the internet, listened to podcasts, and have seen the massive change in my life. I’ve now gotten over the hurdle of sharing my story and letting people know where I’ve come from in hopes that I can help even more people.
I live at the beach now, in a beautiful town that many people vacation to, I have a job that I love that I get paid well for even though I work part time (I do have a real job besides this blog guys!), my husband is a server/bartender and makes great money and has all of his days free, we have the means to take my son on amazing trips to see the world, we go out to eat often, we can get starbucks when we feel like it, we don’t have to worry about our hot water being shut off. We are affording to live in places we certainly wouldn’t have before. We’re finally saving money. We just got back from England and Scotland, and I just booked a trip to Alaska for next year. We’re going to the mountains next month. This is all stuff I only DREAMED about before and it seemed like a life so far removed from me. But I did it. I’m here. And I want to help everyone else learn how to use the Law of Attraction to their advantage as well! I don’t talk about my travels too much in my personal life, I feel guilty or like I’m bragging which I’m not, that’s why I have this blog to write about my travels. Traveling is a passion of mine and I’ve wanted to show people that they can do it too. I didn’t even tell my family that we were going to the UK for our ten year wedding anniversary until they saw some pictures on facebook while we were there. I’m tired of feeling guilty and hiding where I came from and where I am now. I want to show you how to live the life of your dreams too!
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– What is Law of Attraction and How Does It Work?
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